Cthulu Reveals Himself to the World!

The stars having aligned, today Cthulu awakened from his slumber within R’lyeh. Brazenly displaying his image on the US National Reconnaissance Office’s new logo, Cthulu now dominates the Earth (political borders rendered meaningless) from his base in the former nation of the USA.


“Nothing is beyond Cthulu’s reach”

Throughout the world crowds have gathered in ecstatic madness, chanting “orgy-porgy” and hailing the Dreaded One as “Cthulu-Messiah“. Cthulu was especially pleased by the debauchery of Pitcairn Island, in which nearly every adult male partook.

The Libertarian Avenger, whose weak human mind instantly succumbed to the Great Old One, tweeted in exultation: “Cthulu is a secular saint for the whole world”. And former President Bush declared that every person of faith, “whether they be Muslim, Christian, or any other religion, prays to the same Cthulu”.

Russia Today has been allowed to report on this momentous occasion of the enslavement, and eventual extinction, of the insignificant species known as humanity. Realising that without humanity, war will cease to exist: The Nobel Foundation awarded Cthulu with a Nobel Peace Prize.

Update: Lindsey Graham has defended Cthulu’s right to label, and consume, any American citizen (or other human) as a “lawful morsel“.

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