Random Thoughts On The John Sharpe Affair


By J.D. Salyer

INN Correspondent

Wednesday, March 28 ’07


Ron Howard’s exciting new movie The Protocols of the Elders of Vatican City is positioned to be the blockbuster-hit of the summer, with an all-star cast and a plot as thrilling as it is thought-provoking.


Leading-man Tom Hanks plays protagonist Clarence Johnson, a wholesomely pleasant moral relativist who moves to a sleepy, seemingly-innocent West Virginia town only to discover a horrifying truth:


The townspeople are all illiterate, toothless, and stupid hicks who worship a Nazarene carpenter.


And the town itself lies under the spell of a sinister cabal of misogynistic albino monks who secretly control the world.


“It’s like, whoa, finally a movie that has a positive message, and doesn’t play into totally-bogus racist and homophobic stereotypes – which are presented by our media industry all too often, I’m afraid,” said Keanu Reeves, who plays villainous “Vlad”, a genocidally-nationalistic Serbian rapist-vampire in league with the papist conspiracy. 


“I’m proud to be part of this movie… it’s totally-excellent.”



New York University professor Tony Judt, Philip Weiss of the New York Observer, and Israeli journalist Amira Hass made frantic attempts to backpedal on a joint inflammatory statement they made last week at a conference on Middle East policy. 

The three have drawn heavy criticism for their flamboyant assertion that “Palestinians should be treated like human beings.”


While attempting to clarify their declaration, they adhere to their initial claim that “the remark need not in itself be interpreted as anti-Semitic,” contended Hass, who is the daughter of Holocaust survivors.


All three are self-hating Jews, according to a press release issued by the American-Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC).  


In the same press release, AIPAC announced its new “Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain!” campaign, a lobbying-drive in favor of legislation that would make discussion of the so-called “Israel lobby” prosecutable under hate-speech laws.




In a parallel effort in the fight against anti-Semitism, the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) has also struck a mighty blow, director Morris Dees jubilantly told reporters earlier this morning. 


The SPLC has finally won a fierce court battle for the removal from a New Orleans public courtyard of a memorial statue depicting  Judah P. Benjamin (1811-1884), Secretary of War for the Confederate States of America (CSA).


“With bigotry against Jews on the rise throughout the culture,” said Dees, “the last thing we as a people need is a statue portraying some repulsive, Jew-baiting Southern cracker looming in the background.”


Still, there’s a long way to go.  Shaking his head moodily, Dees added:  “I just hope that some day Southerners finally get educated and come to terms with their own shamefully anti-Semitic history.  The ignorance in this part of the country is really depressing.”




On Monday the Pentagon issued a statement to clarify Commander-In-Chief George Bush’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy toward Roman Catholic traditionalists and other adherents of Christianist orthodoxy. 


Explained a Pentagon spokesperson:  “The President’s new policy means that while anyone who openly reads or discusses the works of Catholic hatemonger G.K. Chesterton in a positive fashion will still be dishonorably discharged.”  However, military recruiters will no longer be allowed to ask Christianist recruits “whether or not they really think this ‘Jesus’person is necessary for salvation.”


The statement drew withering criticism from Alvin Rosenfeld of the American Jewish Committee (AJC), who expressed deep concern that such leniency might encourage or even stimulate resentful hostility toward Jews. 


Disappointed by the government’s failure to take a principled stand, AJC leaders may be forced to adopt a more self-reliant attack on age-old problems of ethnic and religious tensions, explained Rosenfeld: 


“Our proactive strategy for reducing prejudice against Jews and erasing anti-Semitic stereotypes is to publicly make out our organization and various other affiliated watchdog-groups as being the authoritative representatives of all Jews everywhere. 


Then our watch-dog groups spy – er, I mean ‘conduct surveillance’ — on people, and then we go out and use our influence to play the law and the media like a violin, so as to destroy the careers and ruin the lives of – for example — orthodox Catholics.”


Yet this approach toward improving Jewish – Gentile relations has achieved but mixed results so far, Rosenfeld conceded in sad bewilderment.




                                           THE IMPERIAL NEWS NETWORK:


                             “BRINGING THE GLORIOUS LIGHT OF PROGRESS TO


                                                       OF THE HEGEMONY”

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